1) I cannot ask directly for a number.  Every close must end  with “I like you….you like me….so what do we do?”

2) I cannot ask directly for a date or meeting.

3) I must every time in some degree sabotage myself or show an obvious level of not caring

To be continued!

I remember reading from Steven Covey that “change in behavior precedes a change in action.”  So if we take that one take that even one step further I say “a change in persona precedes a change in behavior”.  In essence that means that before I take anyones advice on what action to take I first need establish what type of persona I want to represent.

Simply put I have no interest in being a badass.  Yeah, the badass picks up and f#@ks chicks, but he also gets the kind of girls that I don’t want.  Those girls are drama, inconsistent, and simply not who I want to spend my time with.  I also have no interest in being “Mr. Yes Please Take A Crap On My Head” guy.  I am sure the rational for this choice pretty obvious.

So we are left with the hybrid.  Lets call him Mr. Confident.  Mr Confident acts like the person that he wants to attract.  He calls when he says he is going to call, he sticks to the agreed upon plan, he doesn’t need to plan when to return your phone call and does so in a timely manner.  Mr. Confident is not ‘strategic’.  He is loving, authentic, consistent, non-judgemental, reliable, but don’t confuse this with someone who is weak.   The one thing you don’t do is fuck with Mr. Confident.  Mr. Confident is OK if you do not embody the same traits as himself.  He will not judge you.  He will still open the door for you.  He will still ask “how are you” and be genuinely interested in your well being.  However, he will not date you.

So here I am trying to become Mr. Confident myself.  I have just been given the lamest excuse for a non followed through commitment by a ‘love interest’ (I so love that term).  She broke several of Mr. Confident’s rules.  She took over 24 hours to respond to a friendly overture (a phone call), and then she cancelled without *offering an alternative plan.  So what do I do?  This is when I realize I need to fully take the persona of Mr. Confident!  I can’t just act without meaning.  If I respond back, I need to fully be who I represent.

My response is simply, “I am pretty surprised you are flaking out, but OK.  :)  Either way it was great meeting you.  You had a nice way about you, you’ll make a great teacher.  Take Care.  Me.

My rational is I am calling her out and not accepting the lame excuse (you’ll have to take my word it was pretty lame).  I then let her know I do accept this and I am not going to try and convince her otherwise.  Then the smiley face to let her know that Mr. Confident does not follow any of the philosophies of Mr. Hurt Guy.   Furthermore I acknowledge that it was nice meeting her (because it was), and add a nice compliment that is personalized to her teacher aspirations.  This shows really I am definitely not hurt and did enjoy our brief time together.  Last the “take care” is synonymous with “I won’t be calling you again”.  The is the part where Mr. Confident shows he is strong and is saying that regardless of her good qualities, she has violated one of Mr. Confident’s deal breakers.

As I write this, I realize the most important part is to actually BE this persona.  The text was nice enough to make her comfortable to text or call, but if she does, Mr. Confident will not make excuses for the initial display of who she is.  He might meet up with her if it is ‘convenient’, or become friends with her, but there will be no dinner movie combos or anything at all resembling a wooing of a girl.

So will my text “work”?  Depends what you mean by “work.”  If you really mean “will she call/text and try and get together”, well who knows, but if you mean “will you date the kind of woman you really want who aren’t flakey, are consistent, and embody the type of woman that I actually want”….then the answer is “yes, absolutely.”

- Mr. Confident

At first I struggled, and it was definitely shall we say a tad bit uncomfortable mixing in with those still prospering.  For even the other night I hung out in this shi shi night spot in Dallas.  A friend and I had just convinced 2 girls who were exiting the place, to stay a bit longer.  That bit longer became “lets get some drinks!”.  Well I was not about to spend tomorrow’s grocery money on a couple of girls that might disappear any minute.  A year ago I would have been all about these fun moments, but now my biggest concern was how am I going to make sure my credit card does not become involved in this!

Sure there is those uncomfortable moments, but there is good than bad that is coming out of this.  For the other day as I was walking through Kroger I saw these little chocolate pies for 75 cents a pop.  I was tempted, but decided I can get better value for my ‘desert dollar’.  And I did that day for I was able to pick up a delicious Ms. Smith Pie (normally $7.99) for just $5.99.  But 2 days later I find myself in the same Kroger and could not believe what I was seeing…these same 75 cent pies were reduced to 50 cents!  No joke, I filled up my cart with these delicious little chocolate filled pastries.  I felt like I had won a door prize somewhere! When was the last time you got so excited about such simplicity!!???  That was when I realized that all those great philosophers before me knew a thing or 2 about a thing or 2.

Yes, I am ready to re-emerge as a productive member of society….but I feel that this has been one of the best experiences of my life. I have always been fascinated by how a little puppy for instance can be entertained by a little wooden stick for hours.  The puppy will just sit there and stare at the stick, then hit it….and all of a sudden the puppy is filled with delight after the sudden ‘animation’ of this stick.  What simple pleasures I thought….even then I was jealous!   It seems I have now become that puppy.  Yes, I will eventually find work again and will emerge victorious financially, but I don’t think I will soon forget this experience and the gratitude that can be obtained by experiencing life’s simple pleasures.  Have I been a victim of this job market, or have I unexpectedly received one of the greatest gifts of my life?

For the new stuff, I’m liking the Tindersticks new album, “The Hungry Saw”.  It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure.  If The Dears and Antony and the Johnsons got in a time machine together and traveled back to 1961, you’d have Tindersticks.  At times doo-wop, and at other points a little psychedelic – organs, flutes – it’s completely esoteric.  Still, give a listen to “Yesterday Tomorrows”, “E Type”, and “Boobar”.

Going back a little ways, I’ve also got the last MGMT album on loop (titled, Oracular Spectacular).  This stuff’s a little more upbeat and, I think, an obvious predecessor to Black Kids (you may have heard the tune, “I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You” on some indie-rock radio).  Well, I think you’ll like this better.  The song “Kids” will almost certainly get you hooked, so listen to that first and then check out “Time to Pretend”, “Electric Feel” (very Scissor Sisters), and “Weekend Wars”.

Swedish pop sensation Caesars also put out a new album called “Strawberry Weed”.  The only splash these guys made in the U.S. was with the song “Jerk It Out” which popped up a few years ago on an iPod commercial, however it wasn’t enough to give them any real commercial success (outside of the commercial itself).  But they have a knack for catchy, simple melodies that will have you humming along (humming because, lyrically, there’s a lot to be desired).  While this album is not as good as the earlier “Love for the Streets” and “Paper Tigers”, there are a few songs to take note of.  I like “You’re Next” because it has a bit of the Kinks’ “Village Green…” feel to it, and “Run No More” takes me back to “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tommy James and the Shondelles (or Tiffany if you’ve never bothered to learn about what went on before you were born).  It’s not timeless like James, but filled with the same élan of young love.  And “New Years Day” is really what Caesars do best.  A punchy, four-chord, pop-rock tune perfect for driving away from whatever haunts hang in the rear-view mirror.

Lastly, I want to mention Jakob Dylan’s most recent album, “Seeing Things”.  No, it’s not the Wallflowers – you won’t find “One Headlight” or “6th Avenue Heartache”, or any electric guitars even – but it is Dylan at his simplest, his best.  Produced by the legendary Rick Rubin, Dylan has been stripped down to a few acoustic guitars and his soothingly raspy voice.  The album is less about rock and more about arpeggiated poetics.  If I were you, I’d throw it on just before bed and relax.  My favorites: “Valley of the Low Low Sun”, “Everybody Pays as They Go”, “Will it Grow”, “Something Good This Way Comes”, and “This End of the Telescope”.

That’s it for this week.  See you again soon.

For this album, many will be thankful.  Again, it’s not the first two albums, but it is the closest thing since.  Oasis have once again pillaged the key tracks of John Lennon’s career post-Beatledom (think: “Don’t Look Back in Anger = Imagine), but have done so in a way that does give them a new identity.  It’s why Oasis were great to begin with.  They never claimed to be anything other than perfect thieves.  I think it was Picasso that said, “Good artists borrow; great artists steal.”  Personally, I think there are worst things a band can do than sound like the Beatles.

Key tracks: “I’m Outta Time”, “Soldier On”, “The Falling”

Others on the radar: “(Get Off Your) High Horse Lady”, “Waiting For the Rapture”, “Bag it Up”

I also want to take the time this week to mention an artist and album that I’m having trouble turning off at the moment.  Not only does the new Atmosphere album have the most hysterical title – “When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold” – but it also packs some incredibly catchy hip-hop/R&B tunes.  It’s akin to Outkast, maybe, but it’s hard to pin down.  All I can say is that you’ll probably love it.  And if you’re on the East Coast and you start playing this now, I guarantee you’ll have people wondering what it is that you’re playing. 

A track titled, “You”, will almost definitely be this year’s “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley.  It’s not as dark, or as soulful, but damned if you don’t want to play it again the moment it’s over.

My personal favorite: “Painting”.  Wow.  Slow beat, dark, minor organs and synths, and a bleeding bit of slide-guitar work.  Listen, and you’ll know what I Mean.

Other notables: “Dreamer”, “Yesterday” (you’ll think Kanye West here), and “The Waitress”.

Good luck with all the new stuff.  Enjoy it.

And a quick response to Mo – there is nothing but love in my heart for Oasis.  Never sarcasm.

Yesterday, I had a job interview for the position of project manager at a marketing design and advertising agency in Hollywood.  I went, I interviewed, I conquered.  They contacted me today and told me they were going to send me an official offer.  Now, some of you might be wondering if I’ve ever actually worked in this field, and the answer is no.  But that’s not to say I don’t have the skills.  (Stop hatin’ on me.)  The company focuses on branding and marketing communication, making companies more reputable and recognizable within the given demographic they want to appeal to.  It’s a lot like Mad Men, if you’ve ever seen that show (phenomenal, if you haven’t caught it).  Only I don’t get to wear three-piece suits and drink scotch and smoke in the office all day while belittling the abilities of women and taking advantage of my secretary.  Instead I’m strapped with a requirement for casual attire (shorts and sandals will do) in a completely relaxed and creative atmosphere.  I guess I’ll just have to wear my suits around the house, on my own time.  Anyway, the company is called Two West, and you can check it out at www.twowest.com.

Finally, tomorrow, I get to ham it up at a black-tie benefit in the grand ballroom of the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills.  It’s a benefit for Barbara Fields, commemorating her great contributions to the Cedars Sinai Medical Center.  How did I get invited to this?  I just did.  So yours truly will be tuxed out drinking free martinis, eating delicious hors-devours, and dining with about 1,000 other famous doctors, actors, and big wigs in Beverly Hills.  Once again: boo-ya.

And that’s why I’m having Vh-1′s Best Week Ever.

L.A.’s Hometown Heroine Returns For Act Two

O.K., so technically she was born in Las Vegas, but as the lead vocalist and songwriter for the L.A.-based band, Rilo Kiley, pop-princess Jenny Lewis certainly earned her place at the top of the city’s indie-rock elites.

Coming off the success of her debut solo album, “Rabbit Fur Coat” – which was released in 2006 and reached the number 6 spot on Billboard’s Top 200 – Lewis leaves the gentle twang and gospel-driven folk-rock of “Rabbit” behind in an attempt to show that she can do, well, just about anything she wants.  (Oh, and by the way: she does it quite successfully.)

Lewis’ second solo record, “Acid Tongue”, packs an eclectic blend of musical variation (not to mention an all-star list of collaborators) that truly showcases the stretch of her songwriting ability.  She seamlessly carries the 11-song set through an array of genres, touching on everything from piano-driven ballads (“Sing a Song for Them”) and foot-tapping rockabilly (“See Fernando”), to somber guitar rock (“Pretty Bird”) and sweet, up-tempo country (“Carpetbaggers” – where she’s joined by the legendary Elvis Costello).

The epitome of this music amalgamation has to be the track, “Next Messiah”, which at 8 minutes and 47 seconds, comfortably changes it’s own identity three times.  It starts off with a stomping guitar riff slightly reminiscent of Chris Isaak’s “Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing” before moving into a chorus backed by a quirky slide guitar plucked straight from the Beatles’ “Old Brown Shoe”.  At about 3 minutes the song transitions into bluesier, garage-rock akin to the Black Keys (overlapped with a bit of funk), followed by some straight-up rock’n’roll that can best be appreciated on the open road with the top down.  All of this before finishing up the song just where it started.

Despite the album’s various movements musically, Lewis remains steadfast in her ability to write scathingly playful lyrics that serve as a veritable warning label to any man that would do her wrong.  On the track “Bad Man’s World,” it’s clear that she’s not going down without a fight.  “I’ve got a bullet left but I can’t decide which scorpion I’m gonna shoot,” she sings before asking, “Will it be me?  Will it be you?”

Still, with all the skepticism and expected heartache, there’s a shining star of hope off in the distance.  On the beautiful “Trying My Best to Love You,” Lewis’ angelic voice confesses, “I can’t believe you’re real/It’s just that I’ve got diamonds in my eyes for you.”  So while she may never grasp the complete happiness that powers that shining star, that’s not enough to stop her from reaching for it.

There’s no question that this album has something for everybody, and in a place like L.A., where diversity is not a choice but an expectation, “Acid Tongue” sits as a reminder that Jenny Lewis is definitely one of us.  Actually, she’s all of us.

Jenny Lewis will be playing at the Orpheum in Los Angeles on October 30^th.

First we have Jenny Lewis from Rilo Kiley.  She just released her second solo record, and highlights include:

“Pretty Bird” – a slower, darker tune.  It reminds me of Aimee Mann, a bit.

“Next Messiah” – A multi-layered rocker, just short of 9 minutes long

“Carpetbaggers” – A pop-country duet with Elvis Costello

The Kings of Leon released their fourth album entitled, “Only By the Night”, and it was a bit disappointing overall.  Pretty forgettable, actually.  The only real keeper?  ”Sex on Fire”, and even that’s not too great.

I haven’t spent too much time listening to the new Cold War Kids album, “Loyalty to Loyalty”, and I know I should go back and give it another chance – I probably will over the next week – but nothing really struck me as anything more than O.K.  The only song I remember half-enjoying was “I’ve Seen Enough”.

But the album and song of the week has to go to TV On The Radio.  It’s a lot like the previous album “Return to Cookie Mountain”, but more accessible.  The album, overall, feels like a cross between Prince’s “Around the World in a Day”, and Beck’s “Midnight Vultures”.  Strange beats beneath lyrical half-raps accompanied with brass and falsetto.

My favorites:

“Crying” (definitely the best song on the album), “Golden Age”, “Red Dress”, “Love Dog”, and “Shout Me Out”.

Since Oasis just released another album yesterday, I imagine that next week I’ll spend most of my time telling you why they are the greatest gift to pop-music, maybe ever.  You ungrateful bastards don’t realize that without them, you’d have nothing.  (And if anyone begins to sarcastically muddle out the chorus to “Wonderwall” in an insultingly high pitch, I’m going to punch you in the face the next time I see you.  Show a little respect.)

First, all of my writing has been focused outside of this blog.  I was recently admitted to a writing workshop here in L.A., so I’m responsible to submit something at the end of each week, and I also have to read and critique whatever else is submitted from the other members of the group.  And, sorry to say, what I’m writing for the group doesn’t fit for the blog (mostly because it’s not copywritten).  Suffice it to say there’s a short story and script in the works.  Maybe someday you’ll read it and see it.

I’ve also been in the running for a writing position at a local magazine, Hollywood Weekly.  I had to send in a few submissions for consideration (one of which I will post today), and that took precedence over this.

And finally, I got hired as a server/bartender at Social Hollywood, and I’ve been doing my training there for the last week.  I think the lapse in my writing will be amended by the boost in material I’ll gain from simple observations about all the dumb things that go on in this place.  So stay tuned.

But it is Wednesday, and I still feel obligated to give you a weekly dose of music medicine.  Let’s go ahead and do that now.

But there have been a few releases – and a few albums soon to be released – worth mentioning; while you’ll have to wait until next week for the breakdown of worthwhile tracks, you might want to go ahead and check out the back-catalog of a few of these bands.

1) TV On The Radio – the Brooklyn-based art/pop rockers just released their third album, following up the success of “Return to Cookie Mountain” with an album equally intriguing but definitely more approachable.

2) Jenny Lewis – ahhh, my pop princess.  The former singer-songwriter for Rilo Kiley releases her second solo album entitled, “Acid Tongue”.  Be prepared to tap your foot and fall in love.

3) Kings of Leon – the release of their fourth album, “Only By The Night”, is a slight miss, but still worth a listen.  It lacks memorability, but at least it feels like the Kings own.

4) Cold War Kids – I might be the only person who really didn’t find anything great about their first album – other than the last track “Rubidoux”.  The songs are disjointed, the melodies are broken, and I’m sorry, but the artsy, literary stomp of their lyrics is not enough to pull me back in.

Alright, let’s take a look at a few songs that have been on my playlist this week.  If you still haven’t gotten around to checking out a few of last week’s tunes, let me tell you that if you fall behind now, you’ll have trouble catching up before the end of the semester–and you don’t want to go into the final unprepared.

Here we go (song and artist):

“Oregon Girl” – Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

“Olympic Airways” – Foals

“Melody Day” and “Irene” – Caribou

“You’re a Wolf” and “Middle Distance Runner” – Sea Wolf

“Buildings and Mountains” – The Republic Tigers

“Dying Is Fine” – Ra Ra Riot

“Lost Coastlines” – Okkervil River (a complete rip-off of the Decemberists’ “The Sporting Life”, which you may want to check out as well)

“Falling Without Knowing” – Tilly and the Wall

And there you go.  Ten more tunes to turn your tasteless trifles into treasures.  It’s all indie-rock, I know, but that’s everybody’s weakness.  Indie-rock is like geography, you may have heard of the bands before, but you can’t quite put them on the map.

Go forth and enjoy.